gingercupboards | (no subject)

Yeah. We're okay.

[ He'd almost died. It's funny how he hadn't thought about what that would do to anyone else until now.

And realizing that — it drives something home. He's not Batman, and secrecy can't be priority alpha at a time like this. Not over something like a relationship. Maybe he'd been afraid of losing something special between the two of them if everyone else found out, or jinxing it, or he just hadn't wanted that to be the thing people saw them as when they're more than just boyfriends or best friends, they're— they're them.

But he can't really remember what, exactly, the big deal is anymore, because he's untangling his limbs from Wally's just enough to get a hand in his hair and tug him down into a kiss. And Robin makes a little "mmph" sound, soft and muffled, almost like he's the one surprised.

At this point, he doesn't care if everyone knows. Wally's the most amazing boy, the most amazing person in the universe as far as he's concerned, and— and screw stealth and keeping things under wraps. He'd tell anyone. He'd tell Batman.

Just maybe not like this. ]

["We're okay."

We. We.

Robin's fingers curl into Wally's hair and before he even realizes that Dick's pulling him down to kiss him, he's already grabbing Robin's face to pull him up to do the same. They both meet each other sooner than planned; Robin lets out a muffled, surprised sound against Wally's mouth and Wally parts his lips to swallow it. It's their first open-mouthed kiss and maybe if Robin hadn't just fallen forty stories, KF would be more giddy about it.

As it is he's holding back his own whimpers, just barely, so that they're quiet and there but only as far as Robin can hear, and his thumbs are pressed against Robin's ears and his fingernails are curling in his hair and he's- shit- he's so relieved. He's so exhaustedly relieved. The fact that they're making out in front of their team and telling them in no uncertain terms that he and Robin are technically together doesn't even register, doesn't even factor as important. Who cares? Robin's okay. They're both okay.

They pull apart to breathe but Wally doesn't go far. He taps his forehead to Robin's -goggles still gone, he realizes dimly, maybe forever- and closes his eyes.] I don't care how fast I have to run, [Wally whispers, and he's only half aware of what he's saying,] I'm never gonna let you fall.

[It's so quiet that even the barely present trill/hum of the bioship sounds like a tempest, but then someone -sounds like Zatanna- lets out a low, impressed whistle and Rocket digs a twenty out of her jacket pocket, grumbling as she passes it over to Artemis.

Conner asks M'gann to put up a divider if they start kissing again and Rocket retorts that Conner has no room to talk about PDAs, and the bioship wobbles because M'gann keeps craning her neck to sneak peeks at the two of them and squeal, and all of it is background noise because Wally has Dick in his arms, warm and safe and mostly whole, and he's gonna kiss the guy again if nobody minds. Hell, maybe even if they do.]

[ That line should be corny coming out of an actual person's mouth, and maybe it is, but it makes Robin's heart beat faster anyway because he knows it's true. And then suddenly everyone's chattering, and there's a flush rising to his cheeks, but he doesn't move to pull away — just curls up closer to Wally, sore and exhausted but completely content.

And frayed as his nerves are, he has to giggle, even if it's a touch hysterical. He grins against Wally's mouth when he kisses him again, and quiet and teasing: ]

If I'd known there was a betting pool, I would've drawn this out longer.

[ Yeah, right. ]

[Oh no Robin, don't let him get away with that shit. He seems to think he doesn't say the same corny crap the rest of the Flash family does, don't let him think he's cooler than they are.

Also never give him that "most amazing boy in the world" line ever. Ever. Unless you want to see him implode.]

Geez, you didn't put any money in it? [Wally grins and kisses Robin again, and their arms wrap around each other and their lips meet every now and then, and it's awesome and it settles and centers and slows him like nothing else, which sounds like it should be bad but it's the best thing that ever happened to him.] Dude, what a waste of an opportunity.

[And he has to make jokes, he has to laugh and screw up and everything else that's just so Wally because if he doesn't he'll get swept up, overwhelmed by everything Richard Grayson. Maybe it shows in how his hands splay as wide as possible across Robin's back, or how he lingers a little on the brush and drag of their lips between smiles. Or maybe it's in how he calls Dick in the middle of the night and talks until he pretends to fall asleep, until he starts breathing even and hears Robin whisper soft, "Wally?" Just his name. Just that one word, from Dick's mouth, in Dick's voice.

Shit.

Oh shit. He's absolutely, too-far-to-stop stupid for his best friend, isn't he?

And he probably just gave it away, right there, because his laugh is a little choked like he didn't mean to let the whole thing out and he presses a kiss to Robin's to hide it from everyone else but Robin'll know. Hell, he can probably taste it on him.]

[ Robin notices something different in Wally's laugh, but he doesn't entirely know what to make of it. But this is — it's different than before, somehow, different than the chaste, stolen kisses in between rounds of video games. It feels a little like an admission, but of what, he's not sure yet.

... okay, so he has a pretty good idea of what it means to him, but maybe that's just the adrenaline talking.

They keep the totally clingy cuddling for the rest of the trip back, and it's surprisingly natural. He's grateful for the lighthearted teasing, honestly. It makes this feel normal, like they haven't really changed all that much at all in anyone else's eyes. Which maybe they haven't.

It's late by the time they get back to the cave, and into the earliest hours of the morning by the time they're all debriefed and Dick's been fussed over as long as he'll allow it (he didn't need stitches, but just barely). He manages to convince Bruce to let him stay at the cave, and Bruce probably knows how much he needs the time with his friends, because to his credit, he doesn't make an issue of it.

Dick finally escapes to the showers to clean the night off of him. He spends a long time in there, rinsing blood out of his hair and collecting his thoughts. Everyone's gone to bed or at least retired to their rooms by the time he's done, and the quiet hum of the machinery that keeps Mount Justice running rings too loud in his ears.

He doesn't want to be alone. So he goes to find Wally, wondering whether he's crashed or if he's up too late pretending he's not thinking about things. ]

[Wally was slick and snagged a shower before his debriefing. 'Course, when a guy can rinse off in a matter of milliseconds that's not really much of an accomplishment.

Still, it means he's clean and in pajamas and set up pretty nicely in the kitchen with half the contents of the fridge spread out on the island before him, assembling sandwiches and eating leftovers right out of their tupperware containers. M'gann and Conner will probably have to go shopping again tomorrow, but at least it'll be on the League's dime instead of Mary and Rudy digging into their savings to feed their kid again.

Robin emerges from the hallway and Wally picks up his head, a carrot stick dangling from his mouth as he squishes a quadruple-decker sandwich down far enough to fit into his mouth.]

Hey. How's the head?

[ He smiles, tension he hadn't realized he was carrying rolling off of his shoulders. That's normal. It's reassuring. It's Wally. ]

A lot better. Pretty sure I'm gonna have a headache for a week, though. [ It's light and casual. No mention of near-death experiences. Just half-joking about getting banged up in a fight.

He heads over to Wally's side, leaning back against the counter next to him and swinging his foot until his bare toes brush Wally's ankle. ] Nice spread.

Thanks. [Wally finally squishes the sandwich down to an appropriate height and takes a bite. He offers Robin some of the leftover baked macaroni and they sit in comfortable quiet for a little while, side-by-side, occasionally knocking feet or elbows just for the additional touch.

Wally's assembling a second sandwich when he goes into it.] So are you okay then? [And he's not talking about your head, Rob.]

I'm a little shaken up, I guess, but... I'm okay. It's not my first near-death experience. [ It's the first that's hit home like that, though, and if he thinks about it too hard he can still feel the bottom dropping out of his stomach.

He looks up at Wally, his expression softening. ] Are you?

Nothing the required one-hour sessions with Black Canary won't fix, right? [Wally layers on some lettuce, tomato, more turkey, more ham. Mayo, mustard, bread, start it again all over. Shovel some cold mashed potatoes into his mouth.]

Can still hear those screams echoing in my head though. 'Cause someone screamed for you when you fell; I think it was Artemis actually. Originally I thought it was M'gann but nope, pretty sure it was her. And then Supey yelled at me when I went after you.

And then yours, when you fell. [Wally looks over at Dick, not sharp or accusatory, but knowing. You're not all right. Near death experiences aren't anything new for them, but you fell. Wally's heard your nightmares about falling dude, don't try to brush it off like it doesn't matter.]

But, y'know. [He sniffs and shrugs a shoulder.] Hazards of the workplace. We'll be traumatized forever, probably, but we'll be traumatized together. [He cuts the sandwich in half and stuffs nearly a quarter of it into his mouth.]

Edited 2014-06-15 08:36 (UTC)

[ He had screamed. He'd forgotten that part. Dick grimaces, glancing away from Wally, feeling something like shame. He wouldn't have judged anyone else for it, but... ]

I'm sorry I scared you. [ That's what he settles for, at last, because he can't put together the words for all the complicated things he's feeling just yet. It's a start, though, and he needs to say something to address what had happened, all the emotions that had been running high after his rescue. ]

You're sorr- [Wally cuts himself off with an incredulous laugh, shaking his head. He braces himself on the counter with his hands, hunching his shoulders, staring down at his half-eaten sandwich halves.

It takes him a second to gather himself enough to look back up at Robin.] Are you seriously apologizing? For Harley attacking you, for falling off a building? Why are you apologizing for that?

I mean, it's not like I haven't seen you in trouble before. Hell, you're usually in trouble risking your dumb chicken neck for me, so why would I be worried? You've got no reason to be sorry, you hear me? I'm fine. [wally] Yeah sure, I was scared, who wouldn't be scared? But I'm not scared now, and I won't be scared tomorrow or the day after that. [wally]

'Cause this is nothing new! This is nothing new. So why are you sorry over just more of the same?! [Except it is, because Wally saw the terror on Robin's face even with that mask, even without his goggles, even- And right before Robin reached for him and everything screeched to a halt, right before that Wally had realized with absolute certainty that he wouldn't reach Robin in time. He'd known that he was too slow, that Robin would hit the ground before Wally could get to him, that he needed more time and more room and more stable conditions to accelerate to something faster because he can't do that like the Flash can. He'd have to watch his best friend (more, more, he's more than that you idiot) die right there, ten feet from his fingers because he couldn't pick up the goddamn pace-

Wally shoves his sandwich aside and the plate clatters atop the counter, upsetting the bottle of mustard and scattering a fork. He whirls around and presses a hand to his mouth and his ears ring with the silence.]

...Don't do that. Okay? Just don't.

[ "I'm sorry," he almost says again, but catches himself. Dick's throat aches and his eyes prick with— with what, he doesn't even know, and he doesn't know if it's the right thing to do because he just doesn't do this kind of thing (touching, talking, navigating maturing relationships) but he has to try, right? So he drags Wally into a fierce, slightly awkward hug, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt in his hands and pressing his face against Wally's shoulder. ]

Stop it.

[Wally grabs Robin back in his arms just as tight, just as fiercely, and he presses his mouth to Robin's hair and screws his eyes shut. He sucks in a breath, holds it, lets it go and it puffs little strands on Robin's head that have already started drying from the shower.]

You stop it, [he mutters, but its without venom.] This- it's a big deal. For both of us. For me and for you. Got it?

[ Dick nods, and it's all he can do for a moment, too many unsaid words chasing themselves in circles around his head. He'd almost died, he'd fallen just like his family had fallen and it wasn't courageous, it wasn't dramatic, it was terrifying and he wasn't ready. Not like he'd been in the simulation, on the mothership, when he'd done his duty and Wally had been next to him — he was still frightened then, but he'd been frightened with Wally at his side, and that... that hadn't been so bad. ]

I know it's scary. Watching, when you can't— [ He's nine years old again, and he's watching his family fall— and he presses his cheek against the solid warmth of Wally's neck. ] I didn't want to be the reason. That's all.

[Wally holds him a little tighter, probably too much. His fingers curl around Dick's shirt. Why was it different? Why was it so different.]

Hazards of the job. [Maybe if he keeps saying that, he'll start accepting it.]

It's just the hazards- [Fuck, he can't even finish it. One little fall, one close shave on top of a pile of other close shaves but maybe it's because this one time it wasn't up to the entire team to save each other. Maybe it's because it's just like how Robin said; it was him and Dick and gravity, and that's it.

Wally hides his face against Robin's hair. Robin didn't even die and Wally's seriously freaked out. The way Robin screamed echoes in his head, but more than that it's the way Robin looked at him, in those microseconds between spotting Wally and reaching for him. Robin had looked so- it's probably good Wally couldn't see his eyes with that mask on, because he doesn't even want to think about what he would've seen there.

Wally's eyes are burning so he keeps them shut and damn it, he's being so stupid about this. It's over, it's done, Dick is safe, so why is he still scared?]

I'm- I'm gonna tie a bungie cord to you, dude, [he mutters in a weak attempt for levity. Breaking down is not an option here. Robin's the one who fell. Wally needs to keep his shit together for Dick's sake, at the very least. He can freak out on his own time.]

[ Dick laughs weakly, a little huff muffled against Wally's skin. ]

You can get me one of those child leashes, if you want.

[ He almost wishes Wally would break down, or freak out, or something. It'd give Dick an excuse to admit he's not as okay as he wants to be, either, that he's still on edge and worried about falling asleep because he knows what he's going to dream about. And because he knows it's just as traumatic on Wally's end, or maybe even moreso.

But he doesn't want to drag it out of him, not when it feels like a fight just to get him to open up sometimes. Why does he have to be so stubborn? ]

[Either way, it doesn't get dragged out tonight. Wally just clutches Dick a little tighter, presses his mouth to his temple in a move that's not exactly a kiss and lets him go in favor of more food and small talk. They're exhausted, they should sleep, he's not ready, it's not a big deal, etc.

It's fine. He just needs food and sleep. He can handle it on his own, and then he can help Dick.

...or that's what he tells himself when he locks up on Black Canary, when he plays off the fact that he can't sleep without waking up in a cold sweat, when he looks at Robin and the way he won't stand on ledges anymore and tells himself that he just needs time, they both need time.

He tells himself that all the way up until they have an altercation with the Joker again, when he gets cornered by a couple of the clown's henchmen and one of them throws out a laughing comment about how he thought birds were supposed to be able to fly, and the next thing Wally knows is Conner's arms wrapped around him like steel cables and the henchmen have hamburger for faces, and his gloves stink like blood and he knows he got in something like sixteen punches per face before Superboy intervened.

Aqualad is aghast, torn between worry and disappointment and anger as he reprimands Wally, exclaims how it's not like him to do this sort of thing, and banishes him to the bioship for the rest of the mission.

Wally sits there in the silence, knees up and head hung, because he knows he's at the very least going to be suspended from the team until he straightens his shit out. The idea of being away from Robin during missions though, that's the real punishment. He needs to sort himself out, soon.]

[ Robin can't quite look Wally in the eye after the mission. He knows that any of them could have slipped like that, that they walk a dangerous line and they have to constantly check themselves, but— but it's Wally. Wally, who smiles so easily and laughs like he really means it and gives the best hugs and would do anything for his team.

And Dick knows it's his fault. If he'd been okay, if falling hadn't shaken him up so much, then Wally wouldn't have been on edge and he wouldn't have snapped and— and Dick's his teammate, he's his best friend, he's his boyfriend. And Wally's pushing himself over the edge because Dick screwed up.

He's ashamed and off-balance and not sure at all what to say, and once the mission's over, he slinks away like a wounded cat and heads back to Gotham. ]

[There's someone waiting for him just outside that grungy old photobooth though, and it's not Batman.

Dinah pushes off of the bricks when the light flashes, arms loosely folded as the door creaks open.]

Robin. You've missed a couple sessions. [Her voice is too soft to be accusatory, but too firm to let this slide. By 'some sessions' she means 'most of them,' which surprised her. For being the most secretive of the bunch, Robin always tended to be the one to talk with the least amount of encouragement.]

[ Robin's eyes go wide behind his mask, but he pulls his shoulders up, trying to look at least a little more in control than he feels. ]

I... [ He fidgets, index finger picking at the thumb seam on his glove. She'll know he's lying, and if she's here, she must be concerned. Maybe more than concerned. ]

I guess I've been busy. [ It's unconvincing. ]

Mmm. [Neither a nay or a yay on that. She got excuses ranging from 'sorry Batman needs me' to 'augh homework, raincheck?' but she won't call him out on any of them. That's not exactly conducive to building a trusting relationship.]

Well if you're not busy right now, why don't you walk with me?

[ He considers making another excuse (long night, too tired, gotta cram for a test on Monday) but in the end, he complies. Maybe... maybe he does need to talk to someone. ]

Okay. I have time.

[Turns out "walk with me" means "picking up late night sandwiches and taking them to a nearby rooftop to eat" in Canary speak. She usually isn't so casual with her therapy sessions -she prefers the quiet of a room where she can hear herself think and a place where she can appear both authoritative and open- but Robin seems much more comfortable on the dirty streets of Gotham than he does in the cave right now.

There are probably quite a few reasons for that. She can guess many of them. A change in approach might help him feel more comfortable coming to her.

Either way, she is hungry and her sub crunches between her teeth because she always gets them toasted. She waits until she's eaten a few bites, lets Robin get settled with both the food and scenery before she wraps her food back up and sets it aside, folding her hands over a knee. The heel of her boot taps the wall, feet dangling over the fire escapes below.]

Have you had any progress on sleeping through the night? [As much night as he gets, anyway.]

[ Robin lets his feet dangle over the ledge, swinging slowly. It's only about a one story drop if anything were to happen, and he hates that he notices things like that now. ]

No. I'm still having nightmares. The same dream, just different faces. [ His parents fall while he watches, or one of his teammates slips past his reach, or he falls again and this time he has to watch Wally's face while he... ]

It's... it's stupid.

[ Despite the energy he burned on the mission, his sandwich is mostly untouched. He doesn't have much of an appetite on the best days, but these days it's less than ever. ]

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lets mix it up shall we

oh good, adult supervision

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