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[So this...whatever they had going on, it's complicated. That's what Wally tells himself when their teammates give he and Robin weird looks, when Batman seems like he's glaring even though Wally can't tell the difference between a stare and a glare from old Bats, when his uncle's hand rests on his back and Wally thinks they just have to know.

But he's not ashamed. He's just- he doesn't know how to explain it yet. Parents first. Everyone else second.

They finally got the okay for Robin to spend the night at Wally's, which is a rare occurrence indeed. Unfortunately, Wally's parents aren't home so it's become very awkward. Usually they just hang out, do the same thing they always do with the occasional bout of discomfort but without parents? Well. Wally's not under the delusion that anything's going to happen -they haven't even kissed yet- but it's still- it's weird. It's like back in middle school when he went up to Sandy Hartford's room and he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but apparently you have to clear that with the other person first.

It was. It's weird. Because now he's looking at Dick like he looked at Sandy, and his stomach is in knots like it was with Sandy, but it's different because it's more and that just makes it weirder.]

...Mom just went shopping, there's probably like...Cheetos or something downstairs.

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I sincerely doubt anyone would call it stupid. [Dinah pushes her hair back behind her ears when the wind tosses it aside.] Is it the same dream you told me about before?

[ It is stupid, he's supposed to fly, but it's not an issue worth pressing. He doesn't look up to meet her eyes, just watches the street below them. ]

Yeah. Falling.

[Dinah gives Robin a moment to elaborate, but he doesn't seem inclined to continue.]

And you're the one falling in them?

Sometimes. Sometimes it's my friends, or— or other people, they go over the edge, and I can't get there in time, I'm too slow, or the line won't deploy... But now sometimes I fall, and KF can't get there in time, and that's when everything slows down and I have to watch, and that's... that's almost as bad as knowing I'm gonna die.

[ He can feel his pulse elevating, his throat going tight. It doesn't mean anything. He's subconsciously reliving a traumatic experience, and his brain is trying to make sense of those memories. It doesn't mean anything. ]

Dreams don't always mean anything. A lot of the time, it's just your brain doing the same thing it does while awake; obsessing over your fears.

[Dinah draws up her knee and loops her arms around it.]

What would you say your real fear is, based on your dreams?

[ Robin swallows around the tightness in his throat. He knows, or he thinks he knows, but saying it...

He should be fearless. His family was fearless, Batman is fearless. Why can't he get over it? ]

I'm... afraid of being helpless. Of standing by while someone else gets hurt. And I'm afraid that— that if I screw up, if I die, someone else is gonna be messed up forever. They'll have to live with it. And that's gonna be my fault.

[ He thinks of Wally that night, Wally tonight, the way his voice shook and what he did to those people because of him, and Robin feels sick. ]

[Dinah, naturally, knows about what happened tonight. She's going to be talking to Wally later as soon as she's finished here with Robin, but...well. She thought Robin was probably the one more in need of someone to talk to.

He always holds himself to such impossible standards. Being Batman's apprentice is sometimes much more harmful than it is helpful.]

That's an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself.

I'm just being realistic.

[ He didn't put it on himself, the way he sees it. It's just the way the world works, ever since he stood by and watched his family fall. ]

Kid Flash is— h-he's not okay. I don't think he's ever... the simulation was the first time he'd watched anyone, you know, die, and... he didn't talk about it then. But now— I know he's worried, he's terrified, and I— it's crazy, but I almost wish he didn't care so much. Maybe he'd be happier that way, you know?

[ He trails off, the guilt welling up again. ]

You know that's not true.

[Dinah leans forward so she can get a good look at Robin's face. The mask hides his eyes, but the lines around his mouth and between his brows say everything she needs to hear.]

Loving someone is the most wonderful and dangerous thing a person can do. There are risks that run with it, yes, but what Kid Flash did tonight is not your fault. [She sighs, lacing her fingers together in front of her knee again.] Even if he did what he did because of how he feels about you, his actions are still his responsibility. Not yours.

And it may be terrifying, it may open you up to an immense amount of pain [again, she wants to add, because she might not know his backstory but Robin just bleeds with the signs of terrible loss], but sometimes love is the only thing that will keep people like us alive. The only thing that will encourage us to keep going.

It's hard. And I'm sorry you have to go through this, I am. And I know if Batman could take this from you, he would.

[ It's the first time someone's really called what he and Wally have love. He's thought it, sure, but hearing it is different. It makes it real. But he does, he knows he does: he loves Wally in almost every way a person can love another person. Maybe Wally even loves him back.

And that's scary, too, the thought that loving someone can rip you open like that. He's hurting for Wally, and Wally is hurting for him, and that's the last thing in the world he wants. ]

Okay. Okay. I know... that what he did isn't my fault. His actions are his responsibility. And my guilt doesn't help anyone anyway. [ That's what he's been told so many times. ]

But... does that mean I can't help him? I want to make it okay again, I don't want him to be like this...

[That's a mistake a lot of adults tend to make. They think that because children (and teenagers) are younger, they don't feel things as strongly or with as much conviction, but it's absolutely not true. Even before they considered becoming involved romantically, Dinah could see that Kid Flash and Robin loved each other, the kind of love that binds two people together forever no matter the type of relationship.]

No, of course it doesn't mean that; your support will help Kid Flash in dealing with something that's obviously disturbing him. You just need to remember that your recovery is just as important to him as his own.

[Dinah sighs and reaches over to softly rest a hand on Robin's back.] Being in a relationship with someone else in this line of work is...difficult. Watching the people you care about putting themselves in danger is frightening, and the fear of letting them down is something that every hero struggles with, including Batman. There's no shame in being afraid for them, or for yourself. [She rubs his back, and he's way too tense for fourteen.] You just need to make sure you don't use that fear as a weapon against yourself. Do you know what I mean when I say that?

[ Robin relaxes slowly with her hand on his back. It's comforting, and warm, and any contact at all is welcomed right now. ]

I think I understand. It should be positive. Inspiring. Right? [ He's quiet, turning this over in his head. ] Meaning... I shouldn't cripple myself worrying about someone, or... or fail to act because I'm scared. It should make us both better at this, not worse.

[Dinah laughs softly, bowing her head.] If you ever find out how to make fear a positive thing, please share your secret with me.

You're right about your course of action, though. However you get past it, you need to focus on your goals instead of the obstacles in your way. If you're afraid of falling? Come up with a series of exercises to help you cope with it. Talk to your teammates, and your mentor. You have a wonderful support network of people who love you and want to see you happy. Just give them each a little bit of your trust, and you'll see it go a long way.

I meant, uh. The love part. Not— ... a-anyway.

[ Robin glances over at her, a soft smile on his face. ]

I should've talked to you a long time ago.

Maybe.

[She squeezes Robin's shoulder before picking her sandwich back up.]

But I can understand why you didn't. So don't be so hard on yourself. Thank you for talking with me now.

And thanks for tracking me down. Sometimes I need it, I guess.

[ He thinks of Wally again, and how he'd run away without so much as looking him in the eye. Maybe he'll call him later. He hopes he's okay. Or... as okay as he can be, under the circumstances. ]

[She sees you brooding a bit, child.]

Robin, I wouldn't worry too much about Kid Flash. He's going to be fine. [She unwraps her sandwich.] I checked in with him before leaving to find you.

[ HOW DID SHE KNOW ]

You did? H-he was all right?

[BECAUSE HE'S A BOY IN LOVE AND IT'S ALMOST EMBARRASSINGLY OBVIOUS?]

He said he felt...relieved, almost. [She smiles faintly.] I think he's finally ready to talk to you.

Really?

[ Robin's voice is soft and hopeful, almost like he'd been afraid that something was broken between them forever. ]

I'm glad he's okay.

Me too. [She takes a bite of her sandwich.] But right now, you have yourself to look after. I want you to spend the rest of your night doing something you absolutely love, then allowing yourself to sleep for as long as possible.

[ The idea of not calling his best friend the second he gets home doesn't sit right with him, but he knows Canary's right. He needs to focus on himself before he deals with anything else. ]

Me time first. Got it.

Good. [Dinah won't shoo him away, but she knows Robin will probably slink off when she's not looking. The Bat family does love their mysterious disappearances.

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried about him. When Batman had first introduced the boy to the League, everyone had been skeptical. Sidekicks weren't quite a thing yet, though Arthur had been making noise about the young scholars at his Queen's school and Ollie had been lamenting about how fighting in a team was so much better than going solo. So Batman -Batman, of all people- bringing a boy barely nine to the forefront and introducing him as his apprentice? His protégé?

Dinah had a few choice words for him. She knew what it was like to be young with powers, but crime-fighting in Gotham, in the spotlight as the partner to one of the core members of the current-generation League? She wasn't the only one who had problems with that. Diana had been less than pleased and John had been absolutely livid, which had surprised her. John Stewart didn't often lose his temper, unlike Hal and even less like Guy, but when he'd run into Batman patrolling in Gotham with a boy who barely came up to his elbow, he'd returned to the Watchtower ranting and raving about "child soldiers" and how this couldn't stand, how they had to bring Batman in and talk to him.

Superman had volunteered. And then Superman had come back, all sorrowful blue eyes, and had said that he agreed with Batman. After that, there wasn't anybody who could really argue it. If Superman said he'd do the same thing, well, the only way Batman could be any more validated is if Diana had agreed as well.

Even though Dinah had been likewise disturbed that they were employing children, she wasn't really able to say much. One day Ollie brought home a boy with red hair and more attitude than both of the Hawks, and Arthur brought to the surface a soft-spoken boy with the firmest handshake not of Krypton. She gave up being appalled when Flash had cornered her and wrung his hands as he asked what he should do, because his nephew had just blown himself up after finding his notes and not only was he alive, but he was quick.

The sidekick thing...it had swelled, all of a sudden. Heroes not in the League were finding children, special children or kids who needed guidance or help. And although something in Dinah wrenches when she sees the team stumble home holding broken bones or nursing bruises, even though her heart had hurt the first time Roy had cried out in pain on the field, she can't help but wonder if her own childhood would have been easier if she'd had someone to look after her.

And it all started with one small boy in the shadows.]

Robin... [she calls, hoping he's still lurking somewhere and can hear her,] ...have confidence in yourself. You've done so much more for the League than you know.

[And while she'll finish her sandwich before heading home, listening to the sound of the sirens and voices and traffic and wondering what it is about this city that seems to throw everyone and everything in it into the dark, she might make a few detours first. It's been too long since Roy last called.]

Edited 2014-06-20 16:44 (UTC)

[ Bruce is out when Dick finally gets home — cleaning up the tail end of a jailbreak — but Alfred had been waiting up for him. By the time he's changed out of his uniform and into pajamas, there's cookies and hot chocolate, and that makes everything a little bit better again. Do something you love, Canary had said, so Dick asks Alfred if he'd mind staying up with him for a while longer. The two of them stay up too late watching reruns of cartoons that are older than Bruce, and Dick thinks he even hears Alfred laugh a few times.

Dick hugs him before he goes to bed, partly because he needs it, but mostly because it's the best night he's had in a long, long time and he doesn't give Alfred enough credit for maybe being the most tirelessly heroic person he knows. And when he sleeps, he doesn't dream at all.

He wakes close to noon, sun peeking in through the gap in the thick curtains. It's been ages since he's slept in, longer than that since he's actually felt rested, and he's not sure what to do with all the energy. He wants to talk to Wally, he needs to talk to Wally, but... he should wait. Take care of himself. So he eats a late breakfast and goes for a run and showers, and he does feel better afterwards. And when that's finally done, he goes back to his room, sprawling on his giant bed and picking up his phone and sending off a text, hoping for the best. ]

Chirp chirp. You up?

[Wally's night is...weird. Very surreal. He decides to stay in the mountain instead of going back home, sends his parents a quick text to reassure them and heads off to the showers. He stands under the spray for almost ten minutes before he snaps out of it and washes up.

Of all the people he expected to try and comfort him, Conner wasn't one of them. Wally is sitting at the kitchen counter, slowly making his way through an entire tray of leftover baked ziti when Conner comes into the kitchen and sits down next to him with his own fork. They share.

He doesn't say anything, but Wally knows what he's not saying.

I get it.

Wally puts his head down on the counter and almost cries. Conner pretends not to notice and washes the dishes for him.

Black Canary comes back to talk to him long after the initial checkup when he'd first come back with the team. She reassures him that Robin is fine but it takes almost twenty minutes of silence to finally pry out the words he hadn't wanted to say. It had been raw and painful and he'd dug his nails into his arms, and two hours later when they both left the room he'd felt hollowed-out and tired, but better for it.

Wally didn't expect to get any rest that night, but when his head hits his pillow he's out like a light. And when he sleeps, he doesn't dream at all.

Barry takes him to run and it turns into an all-day excursion. Wally is halfway across the world when his phone buzzes, and when they slow and stop for a break Wally checks his messages. Barry has to convince him to look at it; he doesn't know what he's afraid of. Disappointment, mostly. Dick wanting to break up.

But it's the same stuff as ever. That cutesy little 'chirp chirp' (Wally is pretty sure that nobody loves all the bird jokes about Robin's name more than Robin himself) is so normal and so Robin that Wally is both relieved and terrified that it's just leading to up something more dire, like 'we should talk' or something like that.

He shoots back a text.]

im in peru

uncle b is getting us ceviche he says its awesome
he wont tell me what it is

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watch and be amazed as i make shit up

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